Carl Oberg

I’ve been listening to a lot of Darby Hudson lately. His Instagram in particular (and his refreshingly brief podcast) has a lot to say about self-censorship, creating art, being creative and the current culture right now in general. He’s got a perspective I don’t encounter too often given my circles and geography.

Refreshing really is the word. He’s got a rambling , stream-of-consciousness style that I enjoy but also find enlightening. For me personally, its encouraging to hear from someone that doesn’t seem coached, produced or glamorized. Most interesting to me: how does he say all this shit and not seem to give a crap about what others think about it. Even saying that right here makes me think I’m revealing too much about myself.

There seems to be a tension between the mantra that one should “create out loud” but also the message that you’ve got to get it right the first time or you’ll never claw back your audience (if you ever had one). Of course, its all fear. One thing I’ve learned in my 48 years is that most action (or inaction) from most people is motivated from some form of fear. Certainly self-censorship comes from fear, that one is obvious. But even the most aggressive, narcissistic asshole is motivated primarily from fear: he or she just fears “being found out” more than being thought an asshole.

There is a lot of messaging out there about “just doing it” but of course that’s easier said that done. People take pills and attend therapy in order to “just do” something, in some cases activities that many of consider basic life functions. So given that that is true, consider the barriers between people and their art, whatever it may be.

Big weekend for the Valdez Mayor’s Cup snowmachine races.

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Also went down to the Elk’s Club on Saturday night to see some friends play in their band and have a few drinks. The Elk’s seem like a good time, so Caren and I will probably join to add to our social activities here.

Finally, today, we had another friend over to the house for brunch. And then I spent a bunch of hours helping a friend put together their 990 for their nonprofit. Another one of the “too many things” I will likely be dropping next year in exchange for more serenity and more creative time.

Two weeks likely to new house closing and then the extended moving process in April. It’s only about a mile move ….

This is quite depressing and very familiar. The expectations both in terms of resources and leadership are largely broken. Board members and donors (with some exceptions) do not understand the hoops that nonprofit executives are jumping through just to make shit work. They do not understand the nonprofit labor market. They do not understand the absolute organization murdering nature of staff turnover. And they in many cases think that people and wages are somehow plentiful and cheap.

I am a consultant and contractor on a very narrow area of nonprofits for just this reason. Absolutely the only way I would go back in-house now is if it was small nonprofit with limited goals and the board was largely my friends.

Everyday I see things coming out of boards that I find astonishing in their short-sightedness or cruelty to the staff. They don’t know they are doing it but they absolutely are. And then they are SHOCKED when everyone leaves for the private sector or another nonprofit.

This article surprises me because it leans into the idea that somehow becoming one with the mission will make everything better. “OH look at the good we are doing, ah, that feels better.”

No it doesn’t. It’s still a freaking job, innit? Retention, the wage market, benefits, culture, and your competition for employees all matter. And you’re competing against the for-profit world. No matter how much you don’t like it, you are. Get over it. And if you pretend you don’t, prepare to retrain again and again and again. And accomplish next to nothing.

Every time I hear some nonprofit executive say “Well, nonprofits are different…” I know the next few sentences are going to make want to scream and/or cry. Go ahead and try to operate that way.

I should expand on this rant and see if it gets back to my clients.

Today I learned that a friend of mine from my youth has decided to associate themselves with QAnon and other batshit crazy conspiracy theories. I haven’t seen this person in probably 12+ years, but it’s still very surprising. My immediate thought is that we had a roughly similar upbringing in the same neighborhood, schools, and church and that the education we received (writ large) should have been enough to inoculate us from such nonsense. I mean, it worked for me!

But that’s not how this works, is it? Your adult life and who you surround yourself with into your 20s, 30s and 40s can radically change you. Nature is part of it, but nurture keeps working on you well into adulthood. And social media has transformed what used to be an occasional laugh into a community you suddenly find yourself a part of. And then its too late: these are your friends. This is your identity. This is what you talk about when you’ve got nothing else. It becomes comfortable and you forget what it all actually means.

“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”

I’m spending far too much free time working with Greek. (The above says “Alexandros” as in Alexander the Great.)

I am steeling myself to watch “Alexander: The Making of a God” on Netflix. I’m sure it will be deeply questionable, much life the “Cleopatra” and “Mehmed” series. But it does make me wish someone would get off the Alexander focus and move on to the Wars of the Diadochi (Διαδοχων). There is so much to work with: Ptolemy stealing Alexander’s coffin! Seleucus! War with India! Pyrrhus and his “victories.” Constant warfare. Very game of thrones-like.

I missed writing last night for a good reason: it was the first official meeting of the board of CanceR Kindness, a nonprofit I have shepherded to life here in Valdez. It’s mission is to assist cancer patients and their families with the stresses and challenges of addressing their illness while living in the semi-isolated wilds of Alaska. Specifically, it contributes singular acts of kinds in the form of gift certificates and retailer cards (food, gasoline, etc) which then removes the burden of securing those things. I’m not the founder of the organization or the primary worker, but I do handle a lot of the back office issues. And all six of the board members have some connection with cancer.

It is a marvelous organization fulfilling a need that I am very proud of. We’re keeping very word-of-mouth right now to keep overhead low and to eliminate he need for a lot of application qualifying. In such a low population area (Valdez and the Copper River Valley), its fairly easy to find out who needs help. Word gets around.

This might be the only mention of the organization on the entirety of the internet. It will probably stay that way for the time being. And in this age of social media, its somewhat refreshing to be part of something you don’t feel the need to trumpet every time something happens. It just does. The people who need to know, know.

Today consisted of:

• Work
• Dinner with Caren
• Watched an old episode of “The French Chef” because Caren is reading “My Life in France” right now
• Walked the dog in reasonable temperatures for the first time in over a week
• Studied some Greek
• Wrote this entry
• Agonized a little too long about a work problem that I should have shut off hours ago

I add too many things to my ongoing “to do” list and then feel like I never get any of them done or really “finish” anything. It’s not true, but that is what it feels like. Here’s the list of ongoing projects, outside of actually doing my regular job:

• Close on our new house by the end of March
• Hand off the “Friends of the Valdez Consortium Library” to someone else who is willing to run with it
• Be an active member of the Valdez Consortium Library Board
• Finish the 990 federal tax filing for a friend’s non-profit
• Start and finish the 990 for the Grand Lodge of Alaska
• Be an active member of my lodge here in Valdez (where I am the Treasurer)
• Wrap up getting myself on the Alaska PFD list for 2024. This is the first year we are eligible
• Continue with my weight loss program (which is progressing more slowly than I would like)
• Continue to assist a local non-profit with their ramp up
• Plan some summer travel
• Start to pack up the house for the cross-town move
• Learn Ancient Greek (gotta work the mind, right?)
• Read
• Be present in this amazing environment

Also, I feel this article on non-profit executives. Check it out. Nobody wants to break themselves for the sake of the mission.

Let’s be honest. I’m never going to write at length. I think its a good idea but I just never get there. But something continues to tell me its beneficial and even necessary. But I don’t. Because I don’t make time for it and I’ve always got something else to do.

And so we try again. Why? Because its been a long and somewhat trying winter here in Alaska and its been gnawing at me to try. And so I do.

To that end, I’ve been thinking a lot about creativity, art, occasionally listening to Darby Hudson’s ranting which seem on-point to me, and generally fretting about what I’m doing besides, you know, work and general self-entertainment. Projects that I’ve thought of continue to stack up and thus created expectations and pressure that is never truly relieved. And then I read something like this:

It’s no doubt true, but still sometimes hard to do. Anyway, get out there and do something.

Get up, make a breakfast of eggs and bacon, get clothes arranged from the move (finally), ping someone on the Valdez Salecycle Facebook page about a car for sale, walk Ginny the dog through the snow piles in the center of town, get coffee from the drive through place, put up some window seal tape, laundry, grocery store for a spaghetti squash, see an amazing sunset at 4:45pm.